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Balls of Steel Episode 6: Lord of the Toast
“Last time on a VERY special episode of Balls of Steel… Pips vs Kikes vs Plebs became no more, as the three teams were split into two: Team Ally and Team Grass. The challenge was a dance-off between the two teams, and Grass’s creepiness got his team the victory, sending Team Ally to the elimination ceremony. When the votes were cast, the vote was 3-2 against Rocker, but in a shocking twist, he pulled out an idol, and RJ’s fuq boi ass was sent flying outta here! Haha! Now, 5 have left, and 10 remain, who will get launched to the oblivion of loserdom next? Find out right here! Right now! On Total! Drama! Balls of Steel!” (Opening Theme Plays) (Team Boi- Day 16) Grass: So………. What now? GO: WE RP NOW! Dark: I’m too Max Goof to RP. GO: NO! FUCK YOU! I SAY WE RP NOW, FGT! Grass: Now now GO, be nice to our new residents. GO: FINE! I STILL HATE YOU DARK! Heo: Guys, I have an idea! Everyone else: NO HEO! Heo: .-. …………. *crawls into corner and into a ball* Meta: Rocky left his tablet behind, it still has some battery on it. We could use it to watch Scooby-Doo! GO: SCOOBY-DOO IS GHEEEYYYY!!!! Meta: Well nobody asked you ya rat-faced sagging bitch! Dark: Oh kill ‘em! GO: …. I….. IDK WHAT TO SAY TBH….. :( Grass: Welp, time to take my daily medications. Meta: How old are you, man? Grass: Old enough to have seen some real shit, boi. Meta: Whatever you say, Jose. Dark: Nah, if anything Heo is Jose here *trollface* Heo: ._. Dark: ……. HEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOO *bans Heo* BOOM! Heo: *gets back* Wow. I swear they keep setting this up to seperate me and Ally on purpose. Grass: JFC Heo you’re NOT getting any poon from her so just quit already! Your only embarrassing yourself. Heo: *places finger on Grass’s lip* Grass, if only you understood, which you don’t, you wouldn’t be saying stuff. But I’m not gonna listen to your advice, as God and the Holy Spirit have faith in me to get that Asian waffles! Amen! GO: HA! GHEEEYY! Heo: >.> ---- Grass: *In Confessional* Could I ever be in more power!? Not only do I have the most kickass team ever but I hold the numbers 3-2. Although, Dark and Meta are my boi’s so if it ever comes down to it, I may as well vote out GO. Heo: *In Confessional* Ally, hold on. I promise I’ll be there for you one day! GO: *In Confessional, singing* I’LL BE THERE FOR YOOOOOOOUUU!!! WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR, I’LL BE THERE FOR YOOOOOOUUUUU!!!! LIKE I’VE BEEN THERE BEFORE! I’LL BE THERE FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!! CAUSE YOU’RE THERE FOR ME TOO! ---- (Team Ally- Day 16) Rocker: You bitches tried to vote me out, but guess what!? Curveballed yo asses! so SMD you ignorant dicks! Toast: I didn’t vote for you, Rocker. Rocker: I believe you Toast. Fiz: I didn’t vote for you either, Rocker! Rocker: Sure Jan. Ally: OMG! Rocker ILY babe! Rocker: Sure Jan. Toast: Look! I think I see Chip coming! (Chip is seen on a canoe, rowing his way to Team Ally’s camp, he finally arrives) Fiz: Not this fuckin’ guy. Chip: Hey bitches! The trollmaster is back in town! Fiz: 50 bucks. Chip: Huh? Fiz: Pay up the 50 bucks hoe. Chip: Whatever could you be talking about, Fizzy? :3 Fiz: I know you stole all the weed from my pocket before leaving last night. Chip: *sigh* Fine! *hands Fiz the money* Fiz: Thank you. Fiz: Hey! Wait a damn minute, this is Monopoly money! Chip: Ugh, fine! I'll send you the 50 bucks via the mail *trollface* Fiz: Yeah, you better >_> ---- Chip: *In Confessional* Not really trollololol! ---- Chip: *walks up to Toast* Hellooooooo, Toast! Toast: WTF do you want, stinky ass? Chip: What did you just call me you little waste of- ahem, I mean, nothing. I just wanted to talk to you about something. Toast: Hit me, bitch. Chip: Well, take a look around: Our team is a complete mess. It has no leadership and no cooperation skills. And with no leadership means a losing streak to the end. You don’t wanna get voted out, do you? Toast: Hmmm….. Chip: What would the inventor of bread do? Toast: You know what, you’re right. Time for some change *takes bite out of bread* (Toast walks up to Ally, Fiz, and Rocker) Toast: You listen to me, hoes! From now on, I am the one who takes charge around here! Call me Troy McClure! Rocker: Who tf does this bitch think he’s talking to!? Toast: I think I’m talking to a trolling dictator, an Asian hooker, a drug-dealing swagfag, and an angry black man! Rocker: You racist, homophobic, ignorant piece of shit! Toast: What are you talking about? I have a black mom, so it’s okay! Rocker: Mhm, sure Jan. Ally: Like, can I ask you a question? Toast: NO! Now, get to work everyone! (The others reluctantly start following Toast’s command) ---- Toast: *In Confessional* You see, I made this thing called the Ten Commandments of Toast. *gets out two pieces of bread with writing engraved on them* They are the new rules here on Team Ally. Hopefully we win from now on cus of them. Rocker: *In Confessional* I’ll let Toast think he’s running shit… for now. But I bet you that the only person who’s rules I truly follow are Gawd’s, and my own. Got it!? ---- (Immunity Challenge- Day 17) (The two teams are seen in an empty field. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns are not seen. They notice a piece of paper laying on the ground. Grass picks it up) Grass: “Come to the castle up the hill. And ye shall see true pain and take the kill.” Castle? What castle? Fiz: Over there *points ahead* (A large castle upon a hill is seen in the distance) Meta: Well that’s convenient. (The contestants are seen inside the castle, where there is a whole giant closet full of medieval-styled clothing) Chip: What is this place? Fiz: It’s a castle dumbass. Chip: I knew that, smart one. I meant what the Hell is this room we’re in? Meta: Looks like a place for when people dress up for LARP’ing. Heo: LARP’ing? Meta: Yeah, you know, liveaction roleplaying. GO: HA! GHEEEEYYYY! Meta: Guess you just looked in the mirror. GO: >_> Grass: Hey, Meta’s right. This closet, the large open field. It all makes sense now. Guys, looks like this is our next challenge. LARP’ing battle. Ally: K. (The contestants all dress up, except for Dark as he feels he is too Max Goof for LARP’ing) Rocker: So what now? ???: You go to sleep. Rocker: Who tf was that!? (A couple of spray cans with sleeping gas coming out are seen flying out into the room, the ten contestants eventually all fall asleep. Later, they all wake up tied together in a different room this time) Ally: OMG! Liek, where are we? Rocker: And why tf are we all tied up!? I swear this is racial discrimination! I will dig up Johnnie Cochran from the grave! ???: Relax, Eddie Murphy. Dark: Woah, who is that. (Three tall, slim, and scrawny figures step out from the shadows as the contestants’ jaw drops) Heo: YOU! Rimie: Yes, it is me, Rimie and my two socks-err henchmen: Mr. Duncan and Assyrian Asylum! Mr. Duncan: Hello fiends! Asylum: Hello fiends! Contestants: *GASP* Grass: Should have known this was all just a trap! I pull this kind of stuff all the time to capture the local children- I mean criminals! Rocker: …. Anyways….. Let us go you dirty hippie looking ragdoll bitch! Rimie: Oh you silly Americans. Always so foolish and gullible! You think you’re so tough? Pfft, I am Hollywood’s next big name. I am a force truly evil, you ain’t seen nothing yet. You see, I could just kill you guys off easy peasy lemon squeezy. But I think I would much rather see you all suffer via the torture chamber! Muwahahahahaha! Fiz: But Chwiis is your number one enemy. Not us. So why kill us? Rimie: Well, I have that all planned out. Asylum, Duncan, bring him out! (Mr. Duncan and Asylum pull out a person from a closet, they appear to have their hands tied up and a bag over their head, they pull the bag off to reveal a rather familiar face) Chwiis: What the? This ain’t look like Western Australia. Where am I? *looks around at others* WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING IN MAH SWAMP!? Rimie: You are in Rimie Castle, Aussie scum! Chwiis: Oh God, not you. What do you want from me? Why am I tied up? Seriously dude, you need a new hobby. Rimie: Says the one who has no girlfriend, unlike me! Chwiis: OH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYUUMM!!!! Heo: Well well, if it ain’t a dirty Aussie. Chwiis: Oh look it’s a Mexican! Also, WHY am I here!? I was never even in this fanfic. Grass: Well, you been asking Rocky to appear in BoS, and well, this is it. Chwiis: Rocky, eh? That dirty Jewish mong. Rimie: And now, it looks like your 60 seconds of fame are up. Off with your head! (Rimie stabs Chwiis right in the center of the chest with his sword) Rocker: OH SHIT! Chwiis: Welp…. *coughs out blood* I’ll be back in Season 3, negros. But until then, it looks like it’s all ogre for me. *drops dead on floor* Ally: OMG! They killed Chwiis! Toast: You bastards! GO: HA! BURN IN HELL, YOU AUSTRALIAN INFIDEL! JAJAJAJAJAJA! Rimie: And now, you’re all next! So which one of you peasants wants to get it over with first? *walks up to Heo* Let’s start with this Mexican immigrant, shall we? Heo: For the love of God, I am Honduran! Rimie: Well in the next ten seconds you’ll be dead, so it doesn’t matter. Say goodnight, Pedro! (Rimie gets into a swinging position with his sword, as he prepares to decapitate Heo. Suddenly, a loud womanly voice is heard from upstairs) ???: Richard!!!!!!! Dinner time!!!!! Rimie: Ugh, NOT NOW. MOM! Rimie’s Mom: Richard Michael Egan! Come upstairs this instance! Rimie: But MOM!!!! Rimie’s Mom: Don’t you “but mom” me, mister! Come upstairs and have dinner this instance! Bring your two socks with you two. Also, let those poor American prisoners of yours go. They’ve had enough of your vicious games. Rimie: Ugh, fine! *cuts rope, releasing the contestants* Looks like you guys have won this round, but mark my words this isn’t the last you heard of Richard Michael Egan, aka RiMiEg007! Now away with you. Rimie’s Mom: What’s taking you so long? You’re not masturbating down there again, are you!? Rimie: NO MOM! GOSH! I’LL BE UP IN A MINUTE! Rimie’s Mom: Cus if you are masturbating you better not be sticking your wiener in the vacuum cleaner again, especially after what happened last time! Rimie: MOM! OMFG! You know what, just leave TDRPW fools! GET OUT! NOW! (The contestants are later seen walking away from the castle) Meta: Well that sure was interesting….. Dark: You’re not kidding. Heo: Uh, I think the important thing is, Chwiis is dead! ._. Chip: Hey look, I see Dean and Roman! (The contestants see Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns in the distance, they run over to them) Ambrose: There you guys are! We’ve been looking for you all day. GO: DON’T MATTER, WE ARE ALL READY FOR LARP’ING CONTEST! Ambrose: LARP’ing? What are you talking about? Rocker: The challenge….. This is a LARP’ing battle, right? Ambrose: What!? No! I’m not sure where you guys got that idea, but today’s challenge is simple as fuck: First person to knock someone out from the other team, wins immunity for their team. Rocker: Oh….. (brief, awkward silence occurs, before Toast turns around and smashes one of his toasted bread command chizzles onto Grass’s head, it does nothing) Grass: Wtf was that!? Toast: I dunno. Meta: Looks like I gotta do everything around here. Heo, hand me your iPhone. Heo: *hands Meta his iPhone* (Meta knocks Toast out with the iPhone) Ambrose: Team Boi wins immunity! Welp, Team Ally, looks like another one of ya will bite the dust! Rocker: FUCK! ---- Fiz: *In Confessional* Looks like Toast is, well….. TOAST! Ally: *In Confessional* Liek, see ya Toast, LOL Rocker: *In Confessional* Sorry, but rather you than me. ---- (Elimination Ceremony- Night 18) Ambrose: When I call your name, you will receive a bucket of cashews. If only Rocky were here to see this…. First bucket goes to…………………….. Fiz! Fiz: Sweg. Ambrose: Chip! Chip: Thank you! Ambrose: Aaannnnddd, Ally! Ally: Ugh, three more days out here, like, oh mah gawd! Ambrose: Bottom two: Rocker and Toast. And the last bucket of cashews goes to……… …………………… …………………. ……………………… …………………….. …………………….. …………………… ………………………….. …………………………. …………………………….. Ambrose: Toast! *tosses cashews to Toast* Rocker: Fuckin’ knew it! Ambrose: Rocker, sorry to say, but it looks like your time out here is up. To the Hurl of Shame you go! (Switch to Rocker sitting on a catapult) Ambrose: Any last words? Rocker: Yeah, you are all ignorant, racist, homophobic, misogynist pieces of shits. I will Janelle all of your asses next time! This ain’t the last of me, bitchass nigga’s! Ambrose: That is IF there even is a “next time”. Reigns, release ‘em! (Roman Reigns launches the catapult, sending Rocker up, up, and away) Ambrose: I am not gonna miss him. Who will get fucked next? Will Team Ally ever win a challenge? find out next time on: Balls of Steel! (END)